Some of the first changes were to do with sleeping. With the Big M gone, sex suddenly took on an overwhelmingly huge importance in my mind. I was obsessed. And, unfortunetaly for my wife, I often put her under subtle but real pressure to "help me". Anyway, the nights when sex wasn't on the cards, I laid in bed and stewed, boiled, tossed, turned and lost a lot of sleep. Thankfully that little mini-battle is over and now I only occasionally have touble sleeping like I used to before all this started. Looking back on it, I've let go and accepted that grown-up sexual relationships aren't available on-tap and no matter how cleverly it's covered up, a teenage tantrum or sulk will not change things.
This sounds kinda trite and simple looking back on it. It took many months for this process to complete. My determination is my greatest ally, but since I'm fighting against something "in me" I also come up against my own stubborness! "Hard Headedness" was the term used when I was a kid.
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