Change ain't easy

So I suggested we make love less. My hope that she'll resist shows how far these stupid fantasies from porn of insatiable sex mad women has gone.

Anyway, making the decision isn't the hardest part. I've been resentful & angry & sad. Do I really think that I can change things by protesting? I want to process these feelings in a healthy way. Maybe I'm not being manipulative. I dont know if the hurt is exaggerated by me in hopes that pity will move her to give me what I want.

Honestly, brutally honestly, I'm feeling angry that she's "making" me go through this. I'm feeling hurt by my unmet desires & want to punish or at least withdraw from her. Not nice. These are the raw selfish broken ways--hopefully it doesn't get much lower or twisted than this. Godly sorrow -> tue repentance. Shame be broken by this being out in the light where truth and freedom and healing live!

Scheduling Sex

I hear Mark Gungor (great man of God, check him out, he's like no other) saying if a couple has trouble prioritising their sex life they should schedule it in their diary like anything else that's important.

I'm trying to talk to her about when and how often we have sex--not to make sure we do it more (I'd like that) but to help myself to let go and give-in to making love less often.  God, please give me a pat on the back for suggesting and trying to do this.  It's not easy, it's scary and painful.  I pray it breaks the lie that I can't live without it.  I want to be a man by facing the pain and diving into the challenge head on!

I want her to want to make love.  She enjoys is once she gets into it, but I've been so demanding for so long that she can't remember the last time she thought about wanting to do it.  Sigh.... When living by the fleshful desires we end up driving away the very thing we want.  I pray that by letting go I will end up regaining what I was grasping for and trying to control (plus be a giving lover and a thoughtful husband).  Let it go.  Let it die.  If you lose your life you will find it. Not really a contradiction but an amazing mystery.

So we we've talked about it once.  We haven't agreed yet, but we might be agreeing/expecting to "do it" once or twice during the week and once at weekends.  Three times a week happens, but probably more than half the time we do more.  Twice a week could be a challenge, almost like a fast.  They say your sperm production increases to keep up with "demand".  I wonder if I'd have a wet dream if we did a month of twice a week? I read that purposefully abstaining from sex for long enough to have two wet dreams is a perfectly healthy way to "reboot" your sexual appetite.  Whew!


Some how we need to be relaxed and not overly rigid or legalistic.  If I demand my "sessions" in the wrong spirit she won't want to give me even that much.  If I'm not flexible and releasing about times she doesn't want to do it (regardless of how our count is going) that won't help our sex life.  Biggest problem is she says we need to be free to still do it more if we want to.  That means I might still be hoping and wishing and obsessed and pushing for it and ignore our plans to reduce the regularity of our love making.  The flesh and addiction in me wants MORE and cries at the thought of less.   Maybe agreeing it in a conversation in the cold of day will make it easier than to face the new raw pain at night when we're both tired and it feels very much to me like, "This always happens" when she says no, even if it's actually far far less than half the time (and far far less than most husbands suffer).  She's acutely aware of all the times we do it (most evenings).  I'm exageratingly painfully aware of the times we don't do it.

What would make this best is to pray together more.  On nights before we go to sleep (regardless of whether we've 'done it' or not it'd be great to pray a very simple prayer together, or initiated by one or the other with a simple "amen" by the other.  "Thank you Father for our love life, for my spouse" would be great.