Another Week Goes By

So the counter continues to grow, I'm gettin' toward a month. Last night was the first night after her period ended, so I had expectations. But she was too tired. I went from sleepy to awake and mad in a matter of a fraction of a second.

I started to go downstairs, but was too tired. I mighta messed up my counter if I had, probably eaten needlessly.

I can't remember the last night when we didn't "Do It" when I didn't also sleep really shitty--including last night.

We were both home today (Saturday) while the kids were out playing. No one knew when they'd come home, and she doesn't get in the mood quickly or during the day, so I decided not to try. Five minutes later the first kid came home, so it wouldn't have worked anyway.

Aggghhh!

Mental Injury

can you still remember the first images of porn you saw as a young boy, even if it was decades ago? Then you need to "protect that wound" so it can be healed.

Three Weeks Clean

So, my M-Free Counter says three weeks.

Less lovin' lately, and now it's her period.

Sigh...

God!

Escape!

I wanted to check this website when a friend told me about it and about how she met a woman in the process of having sex-change change operations. I was wondering if she/he had the same sort of father issues or addiction background that I find with porn addicts and other kinds of sex addiciton issues.

On her website: www.jennibrown.net

you can read that I'm not the first to ask this question:

"Only a handful of specialists in this country are approved to make the diagnosis of GD. They must be consultant psychiatrists with many years experience of Gender conditions. They have to rigorously apply a set of international standards of care guidelines. One section of those guidelines, dealing with diagnosis, specifies that the possibility of certain conditions MUST be eliminated before a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria can be made.

These conditions include Mental illness and certain non-specific disorders including "psychosis or fantasy related to escapism". Due to my reluctance to accept the diagnosis I have seen 3 such specialists supported by 2 consultant psychotherapists all of whom are unanimous that whilst certain events were significant in allowing the re-emergence of GD there is no element of escapism whatsoever. I would add, given questions asked about a conflict with my Christian faith, one of these specialists was also an anglican priest."

So, the experts already know to look into whether the person seeking Gender Reassignment is looking for an Escape, which is exactly what myself and so many other porn addicts are also doing.

p.s. I wish Jenni all God's grace and peace for her future.

Default Path and Gravity

Last night I had no excuses, no anger, no real boredom.

I just saw an article about a new porn video site. Somehow it's harder to resist clicking on new links. It's probably more about my curiosity and liking knowing all about the net. It bleeds over and latches onto this stuff (this addictive and compulsive stuff).


Shame, there goes my M-Counter back to 1. Sigh.

Still good that I don't go into a tailspin of guilt and self loathing. I know I haven't lost all the ground that's been won.

But will it the temptation be closer to my surface next time? Will it be harder to say no?

We (me and Her) hardly talk about this crap anymore. Since ASI has podfaded and there seemed to be a summer lul at BlazingGrace.org I've kinda just drifted and not thought about all this stuff. Maybe moving on. The host of BlazingGrace pointed out that my email address "HealedAddict" might not be the name I want to refer to myself by. I know that day is coming. Maybe it's sooner rather than later.