Mary Sharpe: "..makes us want to do it again because that’s part of dopamine’s reaction, it is very addictive and it promotes craving behaviours. Now unfortunately it’s not just craving the love it’s craving the dopamine and just like in many other aspects of addictive behaviours, it’s the dopamine we’re after, it’s not the chocolate cake, it’s not the gambling per se, it’s not even necessarily our love interest, it’s the fix or the hit we get from the dopamine." continued here

Everyone's Wired for Sexual Addiction

see article here

and

"Have you noticed that your "mea culpas" and your criticism of your bad behavior (or the worse behavior of others) have not helped to free you? This is because guilt and blame make sexual addiction stronger..."

and

"Masturbation, rather than truly satisfying, increases your aching longing for wholeness. Moreover you can easily become addicted to its short-term "comfort." Then, even when you have a partner, your routine can interfere. Even if you repeatedly exhaust yourself with physical stimulation it doesn't truly satisfy. It also sets off a sense of depletion or deprivation—for both men and women. When you masturbate regularly you may find interacting with others stressful. Yet your loneliness may drive you to seek more comfort in the form of addictive behaviors"

My own thoughts:

watching the videos on this website, I can't really identify with the "lows" after an orgasm, but I definitely see truth in so much of what they're saying. Before my orgasm yesterday, I really didn't care much about the idea of our mega cool first-in-a-lifetime vacation. I wasn't excited about it. I remember thinking, "I don't care about this holilday, I just want an orgasm". They describe the lows of dopamine withdrawal manifesting with feelings and thoughts like that.

It's true that after the orgasm I thought, "I wouldn't mind some more". That's the unhelpful bit of always wanting more, more, more.

So the antidote for dopamine is "prolactin" (which last for two weeks), but it's involved with lactating during pregnancy and period hassles.

Good News, getting better

So, let's make another "positive posting" as I usually come here to vent.

On the nights when we don't do it, I ususally wake up without a bad attitude toward her. I'm usually not steaming all day or pissed off at her for 24 hours.

I'm deciding to roll over and "tough it out" more often than ever before.

I'm "connecting" better with the family. More humor, more leadership in the home. Gotta be good. This is the vision that I live for--being a great Dad and building a quality home life for the family.

I'm eating less junk, and I've finally come clean and admitted this challenge to her.

I'm not expecting it every day--usually at least.

God is good.

Another One Bites The Dust

Somehow we made a deal. She's been bugging me for years to stop biting my fingernails. I've been telling her how great it would be to join the mile-high club.

She did it. She made the offer. If I can let my fingernails grow (which hasn't happened since I was a kid--25 years!) then she'll do it.

Hurayyy! I bought some of that stuff that you put on your nails that tastes horrible. I tried once and failed, but now that we're closer to our flight (and I'm making headway on other issues of discipline).. I'm doing it!

When she realized this, she started asking questions, expressing concern. What if we get caught? How do we both sneak into the toilet at the same time? What about the kids.

This has been one of those fantasies that I was holding onto. The "logic" is that if she wants to do it at an anusual place, at an odd time, then that must mean she REALLY WANTS Me. Fine, but I can't manipulate the situation to feel wanted by positioning my fantasy to happen! I want to feel loved, but it ain't gonna happen in that specific way that I want it. If I manipulate or push it, then it isn't freely chosen--and it doesn't end up being the fantasy.

So I was sitting in church and the idea came to me, "I'm gonna release her from this agreement". I felt good immediately. I knew this was the right thing to do. The fantasy wouldn't have worked out anyway, it'd have been a dissapointment.