She really enjoys days when she doesn't need to rush. I find it frustrating. But can I love her in this slowness (her responses to my questions are even slow) while being honest and accepting my frustration?
Can her slowness be something I can practice accepting, seeing as a gift, smiling about and noticing my anger?
I've been angry or annoyed or frustrated with her for a while now. Yesterday we had the day to ourself as our son was visiting his girlfriend. We agreed to go to bed but I was carrying plenty of resentment. We tried to be intimate but gave up and talked for a while. She found it difficult that we were talking as she thought she knew what to expect (she doesn't like change or surprises). I reminded her that talking and connecting is what we both hold in high regard and see as very important. She wondered if me not 'performing' was in some strange way me 'punishing' her for not giving me sex for several days. She said it like she wasn't serious, just a passing thought. Though I didn't admit it, there was some truth in that. So it felt like a new realisation that we stumbled onto the idea of her feeling responsible for my sexual gratification. She immediately remembered how her Mum was 'high maintenance' and that she never wanted to be that way. Yet it seems she swung too far trying to avoid being high maintenance instead toward being responsible for things that she shouldn't--which in short involves 'enabling' my addiction.
