Anger

I think this is one of the layers or keys (or something) behind the addiction.

Two years ago I talked and talked and obsessed about sex.

As time went by a subtle shift took place. I still obsessed about sexual gratification and fantasies, but the part of me fighting and trying to understand and conquer this thing, I thought more about my father and my childhood.

As the Porn and Masturbation drugs were used less and less, I realized that buried deeply beneath these coping mechanisms was anger that I was afraid to acknowledge even existed.

I'm in the process of realizing that I can't go on with these childish angry feelings. As I am now a father, I can't pretend that being perfect is an option for myself or my own father. I must "grow up" and forgive him. Again, it's not easy to put into words. It's not really that simple. If it was, I wouldn't take over two years to get there. It's a decision, but the decision is part of a process that just takes time.