Counting Clean

since my last slip into masturbating, which was December 1st, 2017.

12 step program, SAA is best thing I've found in years! 

Remember:  don't turn on TV after 11pm
and earbuds by the bedside table aren't good when the broadband parental control password is easy to get via smartphone.  

Rules or tricks don't keep me clean, but being brave and being honest and accountable of my stumbles does.  I finally told her because I was fed up of our lack of closeness after many weeks, maybe a few months!

2nd try:

August 2019 was my last slip into looking at any porn.

12 step program, SAA is best thing I've found in years! 

Remember:  don't turn on TV after 11pm
and earbuds by the bedside table aren't good when the broadband parental control password is easy to get via smartphone.  

Rules or tricks don't keep me clean, but being brave and being honest and accountable of my stumbles does.  I finally told her because I was fed up of our lack of closeness after many weeks, maybe a few months!

So, I've slipped again.

So, I've slipped again.  Maybe it's the normal but difficult changes in our family dynamics (the effect on her, the effect on me, the effect on us).  Maybe it's something else.
Each time I slip, I find it harder than it's been in a long time to not slip again the next few weeks.  Is that a good enough reason to stay away?  No.  I miss the beautiful young firm sexy female shapes of porn.  I struggle bouncing my eyes away from them at work, I am disappointed in how time is taking a toll with Her body (though mine isn't great either).

The other night, when she'd turned me away without sex, I was struggling and feeling angry and couldn't relax to get to sleep.  I said to myself, "I'm tired of being ruled by this".  I thought I wanted to be able to be happy with or without sex.

Was that an important moment?  I hope so.