The cycle of lust, temptation, masturbation and self-hate goes round and round.
Lust and temptation is like an itch. The more you have scratched it in the past, the harder it is to leave it alone this time. You can do the right thing, looking away ten times. But that one eleventh time you look, and it feels like the castle of sand crumbles.
So that one time when you feed the dog, you give-in to the "pull" and saddle up alongside the hunger, leering and inhaling some exciting female visual stimuli..... It's like scratching an itch. It feels great at the time, but it's oh-so short lived! You end up feeling much worse and you're much more likely to get infected (sexual sin) and it's a very real possibility that infection will remain untreated and ultimately lead to gruesome gangrene, which bluntly put means horrible smelly rotten flesh. Like a crack addict ruining all their veins and robbing their family members to feed the habit, a lust addict can't amputate the part of them which is infected.
Weird how I'm often surprised that I expect it to "hurt" or somehow feel negative when I choose to look away and not breathe in a female sexy form. I think, 'now that wasn't bad at all, missing out on that! Whereas when I do look, I hardly notice the enjoyment, but it revs up that engine that has nowhere to go.
Friday, September 02, 2016
Itchy & Scratchy on a bicycle
The cycle of lust, temptation, masturbation and self-hate goes round and round.
Lust and temptation is like an itch. The more you have scratched it in the past, the harder it is to leave it alone this time. You can do the right thing, looking away ten times. But that one eleventh time you look, and it feels like the castle of sand crumbles.
So that one time when you feed the dog, you give-in to the "pull" and saddle up alongside the hunger, leering and inhaling some exciting female visual stimuli..... It's like scratching an itch. It feels great at the time, but it's oh-so short lived! You end up feeling much worse and you're much more likely to get infected (sexual sin) and it's a very real possibility that infection will remain untreated and ultimately lead to gruesome gangrene, which bluntly put means horrible smelly rotten flesh. Like a crack addict ruining all their veins and robbing their family members to feed the habit, a lust addict can't amputate the part of them which is infected.
Weird how I'm often surprised that I expect it to "hurt" or somehow feel negative when I choose to look away and not breathe in a female sexy form. I think, 'now that wasn't bad at all, missing out on that! Whereas when I do look, I hardly notice the enjoyment, but it revs up that engine that has nowhere to go.
Lust and temptation is like an itch. The more you have scratched it in the past, the harder it is to leave it alone this time. You can do the right thing, looking away ten times. But that one eleventh time you look, and it feels like the castle of sand crumbles.
So that one time when you feed the dog, you give-in to the "pull" and saddle up alongside the hunger, leering and inhaling some exciting female visual stimuli..... It's like scratching an itch. It feels great at the time, but it's oh-so short lived! You end up feeling much worse and you're much more likely to get infected (sexual sin) and it's a very real possibility that infection will remain untreated and ultimately lead to gruesome gangrene, which bluntly put means horrible smelly rotten flesh. Like a crack addict ruining all their veins and robbing their family members to feed the habit, a lust addict can't amputate the part of them which is infected.
Weird how I'm often surprised that I expect it to "hurt" or somehow feel negative when I choose to look away and not breathe in a female sexy form. I think, 'now that wasn't bad at all, missing out on that! Whereas when I do look, I hardly notice the enjoyment, but it revs up that engine that has nowhere to go.
Different Blues
Usually I write here when I'm angry because she didn't want to give me sex.
This time I'm in a mood because I've decided to not have sex. My same buttons are pushed:
I've not had an orgasm
it looks like she doesn't 'want' me, or at least she doesn't want me right now, which means not always!
I have been reminded by my Bride herself (and Mr. Gungor) how I should "woo" her, let her know she's desired, romance her. With porn we fantasize about he being 'ready' with no preparation, no work, no effort. Of course that's not real life.
Once recently I was in a mood and she fought against all the instincts to steer clear of me. Instead she invited me upstairs---to bed! We talked and I felt the mood lifting just because she was willing. I found myself (impusively) saying, let's do this later, when I saw that people were just outside our window and she wouldn't be able to enjoy it really. That was good that she saw that I can get out of my funk without actually getting an orgasm. For me I think it was that I knew I could. I had the power and wasn't in the dark of that it could happen. That means the orgasm isn't the only way to get relief. Knowing I could have an orgasm worked--so much that I said, 'no thank you' to the all important orgasm!
Back to now. I've said let's go to sleep and not make love, for thre nights in a row. But I feel in a funk today like I always do when she says no. Last night I knew that I was tired, that we were unlikely to connect emotionally, and I imagined her just going through the motions and giving to me but not enjoying it herself. That didn't seem appealing. I'm now hornier than ever but must get out of this funk so we stand a chance for it to be right or at least not bad. I feel like my equilibrium has been lost and I'll be able to be myself after the orgasm. But the chicken and egg thing is that she needs me to be myself so we can enjoy good lovemaking.
This time I'm in a mood because I've decided to not have sex. My same buttons are pushed:
I've not had an orgasm
it looks like she doesn't 'want' me, or at least she doesn't want me right now, which means not always!
I have been reminded by my Bride herself (and Mr. Gungor) how I should "woo" her, let her know she's desired, romance her. With porn we fantasize about he being 'ready' with no preparation, no work, no effort. Of course that's not real life.
Once recently I was in a mood and she fought against all the instincts to steer clear of me. Instead she invited me upstairs---to bed! We talked and I felt the mood lifting just because she was willing. I found myself (impusively) saying, let's do this later, when I saw that people were just outside our window and she wouldn't be able to enjoy it really. That was good that she saw that I can get out of my funk without actually getting an orgasm. For me I think it was that I knew I could. I had the power and wasn't in the dark of that it could happen. That means the orgasm isn't the only way to get relief. Knowing I could have an orgasm worked--so much that I said, 'no thank you' to the all important orgasm!
Back to now. I've said let's go to sleep and not make love, for thre nights in a row. But I feel in a funk today like I always do when she says no. Last night I knew that I was tired, that we were unlikely to connect emotionally, and I imagined her just going through the motions and giving to me but not enjoying it herself. That didn't seem appealing. I'm now hornier than ever but must get out of this funk so we stand a chance for it to be right or at least not bad. I feel like my equilibrium has been lost and I'll be able to be myself after the orgasm. But the chicken and egg thing is that she needs me to be myself so we can enjoy good lovemaking.
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