Lies & Damned Lies

I feel silly admitting to some of the lies that crept into my consciousness. But here goes.

Porn lies saying that it's okay for you to feel good anytime. It's all in your hands.
Porn lies saying you can control everything about sex (what, when, where, how).
Porn lies that it's okay to keep looking for something a bit sexier.
(instead of finding satisfaction, you learn to never be satisfied & just keep looking)

Porn programmed me to equate that a woman wearing sexy clothes is communicating that she is ready for sex. It's so stupid, so silly. Maybe that's not right. Maybe the dying selfishness cried out in attempt #631 saying, "Look, she's wearing a skirt, if she doesn't want you then you have plenty to be angry about".

Porn programs you to expect more, look for perfect physical beauty (look around the real world and consider things like aging and you'll see just another recipe for disaster).

Interesting how I desperately wanted attention/affirmation and to feel special at about the same time I was going through puberty and the masturbation stage. The typical porn scene has a beautiful woman desperate for sex, desperate for you. You imagine yourself with her and you have someone who really "wants" you. Physically it feels good, but deeper needs are being poisoned rather than actually addressed. Of course it's fake and empty and just leaves you wanting more.

When I see a pretty girl now, I often find myself saying to myself, "yeah, but she's pretty but she's just an ordinary girl, she's not a sex-kitten, not a nympho and not ready for rumpy-pumpy at the drop of a hat!" Sometimes I say this with anger like I've been duped into buying something and only after handing over my cash do I find out. Other times I say it in a reinforcing way, like someone chanting the 12 steps of AA or something.