so many things set off my angry thought, "she doesn't want me (want in context of sex). Her wanting to spend time with whole family during holidays rsther than come to be with me. Her wanting to go to sleep instead of making love, or even agreeing to go to sleep when I suggest we delay making love.
It's like a surly child saying, "if you loved me you would do what I want!". "Since you won't give me what I want, then you must not love me."
silliness.
But the lie is rigged there ready to explode, sending my anger through the roof. Please, Holy Spirit, be the expert in my ear telling me which wire to cut so I can disarm this bomb once and for all.
Reality seems to be that I stumble along, making the same mistakes, eventually noticing little signs of erosion of the mountain and improvement of the disease, like how a kid grows--imperceptably, only when you are not looking.
