Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
It occurred to me, out of the blue, that my selfishness may run through all of my sexual relationship with my ever-loving wife. How bad is it? Do all of my thoughts regarding sex amount to obsession? Do all of my desires live totally on the side of selfishness? Do I really think of our love-live outside of what I get from it?
It's hard to know. Some think there is no such thing as altruism. Anytime we do something that seems to be for another, we can't escape from the fact that we are getting something out of the interaction--and thus our own benefit is always there.
What does sex look like that's giving as well as enjoying getting? I can imagine being giving by NOT initiating sex, by NOT expecting it. But how do I engage and enjoy our love-life in a less selfish way? I guess being easy-going about whether it happens or not is one thing. I guess when we're into it, if I'm focused on her and her pleasure and desires and preferences. I do that, so maybe I'm not completely as bad as I feared.
But it's an important question I want to ask myself regularly: 'Was I selfish in my love life and attitude toward my love-life with my Bride? How can I exercise the opposite of my character defect (selfishness) in this context today or tomorrow? I guess I can ask my Higher Power to help me to not expect sex, take it or leave it, and be 'easy' about whether it happens or not.
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