This seems relevant to my blindspot, my mental insanity, the hole in my soul.
I can't seem to choose the long-term benefit of better relationship with my Ever Loving Bride and benefit of a clean conscience when faced with a right-now pleasure. Why is sexual stimulation more important than being able to look her in the eyes peacefully? Why does an orgasm right now always win over everything else?
Impulsivity, as shown on Russell Brand's documentary on addiction, is part of the problem.
I had a positive 'ah-ha' moment yesterday. I was feeling blah and down and of course my mind labeled it all as result of not getting sex; counting how long since we've had 'good' sex. Then I thought about how true it is that my addiction isn't really about sex. It's about emptiness or lack or isolation. That must mean the sad feeling I was attributing to missing a chance for sex really was about something deeper. But it wasn't about sex. I guess it's another way of saying, 'This, the sex you are obsessing about, isn't really what you need', which was my mantra for whenever I saw a young female form and was drawn to stare or inhale it spiritually.
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