I just got back from lunch. I was cheezed that I had to roll over dissatisfied last night (not irate, not seething, just peeved). But I slept shitty. I woke up annoyed (rather than insensed).
Had the car and found myself "treating" myself to a KFC at lunchtime rather than eating the sandwich I'd made. So I reward myself for having not slept well with a less-than healthy meal.
Health check:
not sleeping well: bad
eating junk food: bad
This is that 11 year old "self parenting" again. That's not decision-making that would stand up to the scrutiny of discussion and opennness (It's my secret, which kinda gives me a buzz, at least I feel in control of something!).
It seems such a shock and so unfair to not get an orgasm, not get sleep, and say no to myself about a nice lunch as well!
But looking at this while refusing to ignore consequenses of my actions means a different thing altogether. I'm over forty. I gotta think about my health. If I choose to punish my body with junk food every time I don't sleep well, I'll likely suffer more health problems in time!
So do I want to give myself a treat at the cost of some fat in my diet? Do I want to self-medicate even when considering the long-term effects? (gaining weight)
This needs some thought, I need to be "in my right head" next time I sleep shitty.
I've been thinking lately how much I gravitate towards rules and policies and legalistic ways in silly stuff in my life. Mealtime with kids. Do I really think I can setup some rules and then walk away and not need to hassle with conflict and avoid any frustrations?
No comments:
Post a Comment