Progress.....?...!!!!!

Last night I had a chance for an easy orgasm. She didn't mind, but she was too tired to bother engaging. The thing that went through my head as I turned over in anger is that her period is due, so that was the last chance for a while (a week is a long time to me now). Of course, in a fantasy world women don't spend 1/4th of their month with a period.

So I did a good thing, I made a good choice. I slept okay too. But I woke up pissed at her. The thing going through my head the last time she said no is that this fantasy is dying. So this morning when I couldn't walk past her without brushing against her as she bent over, I thought, "She'll never bend over seductively, she'll never enjoy it that way half as much as I do." The idea of her screaming out in esctacy just ain't gonna happen like that. Shit. Shit. Shit.

NEVER!

That hurts. Last weekend I was pissed but thinking that I don't really have any choice. I can't live in a fantasy land with my escapes from reality. I need to make a living & be here for my family. (There are other reasons, I sense). I can't pretend or hope that the fantasy world will do it for me anymore. That shit screws up my real world.

Last weekend I was feeling like I wasn't interested in being a dad. It's all about giving to them. Doing what they wanted, going where they wanted to go. She seems happy, not really wanting anything else. Then there's me. I wanted my real life to work like a fantasy life. I saw that whether we had the kids or not, she wouldn't become my fantasy. She wouldn't screw me passionately in the light of day, outside the usual parameters regardless.

I just gotta give up and deal with it when I'm horny and don't get any. I've just gotta get pissed then move on when she bends over and I'm reminded that it's never gonna be a come-on when she does that.