Putting the cart before the Horse

Buying her sexy underwear, a frilly skirt or a something similar, is a great way to celebrate her femininity, but just because she wears it doesn't mean she's suddenly interested in sex with me. It's like saying that all horses are animals, but not all animals are horses. She may put on something sexy to say she's interested, but she may put on something sexy for a dozen other reasons. It's a fantasy for her to come to me with her sexy choice of clothes as a signal and message giving me the green light and assuring me that she wants me. But in reality she never knows whether she's going to want me until we've gone through that slow and unpredictable process of communicating. It's silly manipulation to think that because I've got her to put on something sexy that she'll therefore automatically want sex. When I see an image of a girl in a short skit it says to me "sex". When I catch an image out of the corner of my eye of a billboard or magazine with a girl in a frilly bra, I see it as someone who is sexually ripe. In reality there are women waiting at bus stops in skirts and nylons who are also on their period. My partner wears underwear without a thought of sex.

In my fantasy her clothes are a shiny sparkly wrapper for sex. The frills and lace say, "look at me". The way the wind catches under her skirt says, "look!" The way the material cradles and caresses her curves says, "Here I am, ready and waiting for you". But in reality her body is just part of her. Her sexuality isn't as important as the fact that she has a cold or is tired or needs some space. I just want that orgasm, but sometimes I need to do without and listen to her and carry her burden.