So much, so much

So, sometimes the best medicine for a little depression is some serious pressure and a big challenge.  I'd not realised I'd been mildly depressed, but now I can see that heavy low wave dread and occasional thought of hopelessness was just that.  I've thrown myself "off the deep end" with an exciting, risky, terribly important (temporary) responsibility.  It's revived and inspired me.  It's sent me to God in worship (me?) and prayer.  I've found myself leaning on Him and believing He's spoken to me with Bible verses.  It's challenged my weaknesses and strengthened my relationship with Him.

It's put sex into perspective as well (not completely or awalys, of course).  My occasional days when I've felt wronged for not getting an expected sessoin of sex hasn't been able to be my obsession.  To much to do, too much to think about.  Other things are more important!  Hey, maybe it's okay for sex to not be the everything of everything.

Still, <confession> I did want and expect sex last night even though we were both very tired and our minds were kinda elsewhere.  The free-est thing would have been to say, "We're just not there tonight are we?"  But I wanted that sweet crack that is a sleep inducing and 100% relaxing and mind blowing orgasm.  Oddly, there are orgasms and orgasms and this one wasn't really mind-blowing.</confession>  God is good, He's still working on me.  The verse that says, "He will perfect the thing concerning you" used to assure me that He'd make me perfect one day.  Now I read that and see that it's reassuring me to forget about being perfect, as He'll still be working on me when Jesus comes back!

I had one of those conversations where I said to her "I don't need sex!" which really hurts to admit and say.  But our sexlife seems to improve afterward rather than diminish.