Sunday, 18th May 08

I am feeling pissed off that so many things that I want are asking too much, or just not her.

Wearing a skirt is something I can remind her about, try to not be angry when I make a suggestion.... But I think it's just not her. Clothes that say sexiness in bed is worse yet. How many times have I watched her getting ready for bed, it seems so obvious that I'd really like her to slightly change her routine. But 19 times out of 20 she goes through the same motions. I want her to wear something slightly attractive to bed, but I don't want her to do it out of some forced awkward duty.
That's usually the best I get though.




So, as I've written here so many times... I need to just let it go and forget all about it. Give it to God, as they say. Yield. Sounds so simple but it's not.

Sometimes I see her doing all her chores and I feel two opposing things simlutaneously. On one hand I'd like her to sexually gratify me in place of this chore she's making time and expending energy for. I feel low on her list of priorities. She's make time and carve out whatever it takes to get a load of washing done. But she won't do anything about my load of semen! (Ha!). On the other hand I don't want our sexlife to be just another chore and I know it should be raised above the mundane jobs and tasks. I don't want her to "just" go through the motions, but on the other hand I DO want her to do exactly that. Disconnected sex so many thousand times has made me crave disconnected sex. But it doesn't satisfy and it doesn't make one feel valued--which is wha t I really need.