blog entry

So, I'm feeling that dull almost throbbing pain down their today. I felt it most of yesterday too. It's what I sometimes feel when I want it, get turned on, and dont' get it. Two nights ago she was tired and we just rolled over (well, I couldn't sleep and got out of bed until 2am). Next day I was home for a meeting and tried to "get some" and failed. Not surprising I failed as she was in a hurry (as usual) and had everything else on her mind and busy schedule--but not sexy fun. So I screeched the tires as I pulled away livid with anger on my way back to work. Was stewing all evening and came back from church small group and couldn't get past my anger. I tried to pretend it was nothing, but my mood wasn't putting her in the mood. Eventually I said, "why don't we just go to sleep".

Shock, horror!!!! she said, "okay!!!!!" What was I thinking?!!!! Did I really have that much hope that she'd "pleasure me" instead of agree? Oh, I was really pissed then. The f*****g dog nextdoor wouldn't stop barking so I got out of bed again (2nd night in a row) and again slept shitty and not much. Tried in the morning, but of course she's on a tight schedule sorting out the rest of the family other than me, and in every other way except the way I tried!!!!! Damn!!! So here I am feeling that dull almost throbbing pain the 2nd day in a row. How can I make this day pass a little quicker? How will she be when I see her again? Will she feel put off by sex because of how I've been? I'm very very horny! The tireder I get the less I care about the way sex "should" be and the more willing I am to just try to get off.