Paint Dries, Grass Grows

....and addictions are broken.

That's how slow it seems to be to get to the finish line. Yes, there is continual improvement. But it's a bit like that TV show I saw about how they move a huge building--very very slowly!

I've had a good week or more as far as frequency of sex. BJ's during her period and last night was the first night in many days when we didn't "do it". My orgasm cup is "empty" (it fills up when no orgasm happens) except for last night. My "wanted" cup is no where near showing "low" as the lovemaking was good and she wanted it and wasn't just going through the motions--especially the night before last. So good that with a week to be thankful for, that I didn't wake up really angry this morning due to sleeping poorly and/or not getting it last night. Rolling over without sex is still hard and sleeping itself can be difficult regardless.

So, when will I be able to go for a whole month without any difficulty sleeping for ALL the times we don't make love?!!! That'd be great. See, I'm not wishing for us to always do it, I'm wishing for me to handle it better that we won't. That's improvement. (I still would like her to just spontaneously screw or blow me though)

Gonna take some time off work tomorrow to look for a car together. Bit pissed off that she won't want to "do it" then. No kids, no reason we can't. But she'll have the car hunting agenda on her mind and can't switch to sex.

Shit at work pissing me off. My tech specialty seems to be fading in importance and might not be here in five years' time. I'm angry about this and was kinda comparing that to my parents splitting up. (Me loosing something important and not having any control over it). How do I deal with it? Do I deal with it? Do I bury my head in the sand and turn to something addictive to help me ignore the frustration and loss? It doesn't really work doing that. Just causes more problems. I could go in the toilet right now, get some lotion from the dispenser and close the door in the stall and give myself an O. But I won't feel any better five minutes later, and it'll be hard to resist doing that the next time I'm unhappy.