Update while Up

I think all these postings have been done while frustrated and while my cup felt "empty".

Let's change the pattern.

Last night was great. I could tell the minute we snuggled down in bed that we were on the same sheet (of music). She wanted me and I enjoyed her so much I just didn't want to let it end.

Weird how this morning I was still "aware" of her nakedness while she showered, etc. I'm just insatiable. It wasn't a stressful thing. This lie that I want/need it every day kepts me at bay.

So on Saturday we talked & talked and I let off some steam to do with being angry that we didn't make love Fri night or Sat morning. Seeing her bending over is like a red rag to a bull, saying, simlultaneously, "Aren't you turned on" and "Don't you wish I was doing this as a come-one?" and "This doesn't mean anything sexy anymore"

We talked a lot about "receiving love" or "feeling loved" (through sex and other ways). Telling me she loves me just doesn't do it. Washing my clothes and raising my children just isn't the same as a mind-blowing love-making session! I've had words, "I love you" all my life, but did the actions match the words? I've turned to my actions of choice in absense of the real thing, and now am trying to wean myself off those actions--and embrace the Real Thing. Ironic that now I have the real thing, but am spurning it for my fix--a sad substiture indeed!