So, you've been at this for a while now and a twelve year old can see a few years as a lifetime.
But I know you better than most and you can trust me to want only the best for you.
Pain
It seems unbearable and especially unnatural and unfair but pain is part of life and you are not alone in wanting to avoid it. If no one else has told you to face it and that they'd stand by your side I am saying that now. You can do it and you are not alone. It won't last as long as you think. Once you make up your mind to sit it out, it gets easier and it's a pleasant surprise how it does pass quicker than you'd have expected.
Sadness/Anger
You grew up thinking sadness or anger are not allowed but they are unavoidable. This doesn't mean the world is a bad place, it's actually a better place when it's a real place and when it has the full spectrum of experiences. There's a cathartic cleansing feeling that comes with letting the sadness/anger go through you rather than trying to keep it out or keep it in.
Sex
Remember when you first had sex and you thought, "Wow, someone thinks enough of me to do this with me!". Well the good news is someone thinks a lot more of you than that. It's hard to talk about this when it's been shaded in secrecy and shame, but let me tell you it's not everything. It's not the meaning of life and it's not the source of wholeness or satisfaction or redemption. It's great fun and you'll have wonderfully "mind-blowing" experiences but it's just the icing on the cake, not the food that nourishes your soul. It is magical and spiritual sometimes, but don't build your world around it, ok?
Masturbation
You don't need to be ashamed anymore. Every man has gone through a time of masturbating and I am finishing that phase for us. It doesn't give us what we need and it causes more problems rather than helping. We're as strong as anyone and we're not alone! We've beat other habits and we've shown determination and self-discipline that it truly inspiring!
Pornography
Can you imagine talking to someone about this? It's possible. It does happen. You might be overwhelmed by shame but me and others love you and are telling you that we can talk about it just fine. The amazingly beautiful and captivating female form is a god-given masterpiece but it's not meant to be your sunlight or meat and vegetables. Our use of porn has strengthened the brain synapses between seeing an attractive female form and being turned on and wanting an orgasm. These two don't need to be connected and this connection will be eased to make sex and the rest of our life better too!
Affirmation from Dad
You will one day see that Dad did his best and didn't mean to hurt you. Sometimes you've misread him and imagined problems between you two that weren't really there (he never expected you to be perfect). Of course he's made mistakes but he loves you. He wants the best for you. He has tried and he isn't perfect either. You will get what you need--but not always from him and not always when or how you want it. Forgiving him is best and I see us doing it and everything being better for it. You are doing a good job. Well done, keep it up. Your Heavenly Father has seen you stumble but He's very proud of all you have done; the way you have not given up, the way you keep fighting. Both of your father's would be proud of how you keep pursuing what is right. You can take comfort from seeing how your own sons are growing up and bearing good fruit. What you didn't get from your Dad you can enjoy giving to your own sons--mistakes included!
So, less than 24 hours to go. I struggled last night--not with M or porn but wanting to kiss and touch--which would have led from one thing to another to another until we would have missed our solemn goal of abstaining!
