Monday, July 27, 2009

sleepless night doesn't earn easy sex







Sometimes I can't sleep at night. Sometimes it's linked to not having sex that night. Sometimes the next day I resent not having sex and feeling tired and sleepy all day. But my sleepiness does not create some kind of obligation for me to get sex. It's just another of hundreds of ways for me to want to control getting sex.

I see a girl in a skirt at a bus stop and it reminds me of a "street walker". She's a symbol of sex being on tap and something I can purchase. By making it a financial transaction, it means I'm in control.

Real satisfying sex is great, it does make me feel ten feet tall (for a little while). But my hunger for visual stimulation is a completely different thing.

Here's an excerpt from a study of what makes up "ultimate sex":

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Searching for Great Sex: New Study Explores Optimal Sexuality

Here are the eight components of great sex that the researchers identified after conducing semi-structured interviews with people who identified as having had great sex:
  • Being present, focused, and embodied.
  • Connection, alignment, merger, being in synch.
  • Deep sexual and erotic intimacy.
  • Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy.
  • Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency.
  • Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing.
  • Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun.
  • Vulnerability and surrender.
http://sexuality.about.com/b/2009/07/08/searching-for-great-sex-new-study-explores-optimal-sexuality.htm

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