So, I'm finding a few themes appearing. I drew a connection between me being afraid of things going wrong with things under my care at work alongside how I used to panic or severely fear the pressure of performing and being unpopular if I made a mistake in sports.
Trying to help the official in my kids sports game, I screwed up and really was very uptight when another parent "had a go" at me.
I woke up this morning worrying and imagining "what if my system at work crashes and I can't rebuild it?!!!!"
I want the acolades and respect that goes with responsibility, but I'm fearful of the actual responsibility, or at least afraid of being blamed if things went wrong. This is connected to perfectionism. I need to pray & think more about this.
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