Away from home, in a hotel room with fast internet and no one to catch me. Lonely and tired (some key triggers/warning signs) and on day three I did follow a dodgy link and see some strip-tease video clips. I checked this blog and reminded myself how many days I've achieved.I remembered how the release would feel good, but I'd have many more bad feelings surpassing a few good ones. I thought about having to come clean and admit it to her, accountability friends.
Next day started even worse as I was accidentally woken at 4am (distant timezone and text messages--bad combination). Now I was horny and tired and ANGRY! I video chatted my beloved, wanting very badly to get her into a situation where I could leer at her sexiness and have the okay to M.
Of course she'd never want to do that. It's just another way for me to use her to carry out my old unhelpful ways. Burying the anger. I managed to not say anything and kept my hands off myself too! Biggest encouragement to me is realizing this proccess while it was going on.
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