Grrrrr. Grrrrrr. GGRRRRRRRR! I can't really type what's going on right now. A fuse sorta blows when I want sex, leave my comfort zone and take a risk by communicating such, and get the answer "no". I'm sorta carrying around a demand after that until it finally happens. I want to let go of it, not stock-pile desires as if they were rights that I can demand and cash-in like a disgruntled consumer, complaining and demanding to speak to the manager.
Sometimes I actually prefer simple un-connected sex to 45 minutes of foreplay and communicating. The latter is far more satisyfing (even for me, obviously for her!) so is it the fact that it's "naughty" that makes it appealing? I'm sure laziness is in there somewhere. Getting an orgasm, but not having to give anything but a few thrusts.
Times like this I watch her walk back and forth from one room to the next. I'm acutely aware that we're not on honeymoon anymore. She chooses housework to putting her arms around me or giving me a kiss. Even if the kids weren't around, even if I was home from work (say on lunchbreak) it's not what she'd like to happen. I don't really believe that means I'm rejected, but times like this it's hard to not focus on those kinda negative things. I think about dozens of ways to "come on to her". I run through my head different ways to ask for a BJ. It's all ridiculous.
Guess I'm just wanting her to screw me so I get the same end-result as the Big M, but without me needing to touch myself--or feel guilty.
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