Another Erotic Fantasy Eroded

I yearn for the Honeymoon experience. You know, you're both just so into each other, the world just doesn't matter. It makes you feel ten-hundred feet tall that she is thinkin' about you all the time, making wild and spontaneous gestures of that bright burning love. Guess it's unhealthy that I want her to feel these things for me, but I'm not exactly burning for her this way. We've been together for over a decade, so if that doesn't "end the honeymoon", children certainly will.

I get a bit obsessed with making love somewhere different, at a different time, anything different really. Why? Do I really care? Naaa, it's just a way to convince myself that she REALLY is crazy in love with me and that the honeymoon isn't over. See, if she chooses cleaning the toilet or talking about the kids over a passionate lovemaking session, then.... My fantasy is crumbling. She's a real woman, not a fake porn lie. She rarely will jump me like a nympho (okay, never) and I have to find my strength and comfort and confidence without that little crutch.

But it would be so cool!

I am trying to manipulate her to get the sign, hoping that I can count on it lead to the underlying message. What I mean is that I want to feel wanted, needed, desired. I want her to want me more than she wants to get her housework done. I want her to ring me up at work and ask me to come home so she can jump my bones! This would give me:

sexual satisfaction
a buzz from the experience
to feel wanted, top priority
sexual satisfaction
and sexual satisfaction

And I was feeling down and sad. If she doesn't want to jump me, then she doesn't really care much. If she doesn't want sex with me more than to do housework, then I'm not so desirable, valuable. I don't know if I really believed this, or just tried to kid myself to push my agenda. Silly and bogus logic. Like the guy says on xxxchurch.com's "cleanup program" Sex=love is a lie.

Plus, I'm ashamed to admit it but I have "pushed her" into sexual situations before, and instead of it making me feel on top of the world, it made me feel like the lowest of low.

So,
1. Waiting for her to fulfill this fantasy doesn't work. She ain't gonna do it.
2. Trying to "help" doesn't work because it's not genuine if she doesn't want it. Porn girls can fake an orgasm, pretend like they enjoy being used for your desires and wants, but real women don't. You can see it in their eyes, feel it in the room. It's not good.
3. Give up, let go. Back to that phrase, yet again.