Business Trip Temptations

So I was away for half a week, back home now. It was easier than ever knowing I'd be sex-less for several days. I did notice the girls in the short skirts, but thankfully the TV in my hotel room was cleaner than clean.

There was a sex shop that I ducked into, but only got a mild hard-on, no huge temptation or falling down the deep deep rabbit hole of masturbation. It seems crazy that these shops are still opened when the internet is so much better.

Anyway, I celebrate my "clean" days continuing to climb!

Porn (temporarily) Makes U Dumb

"viewing pornography can literally effect the judgement and thinking centers of the brain."

I think to myself, "I'll just look at this swimsuit model, strip-tease, or other PG rated image, and no more"

I get the buzz, but then my brain starts to power-down so I can't think to use my judgement to tell myself "stop! don't go any further!". So before long one click gets my blood pumping and I click on another link to keep it going or get higher. Where does it end? Usually with masturbation and the same old regrets.

February 11th, 2009

So I'm in completely new territory now, uncharted waters, a future that's unknown (like in Terminator 2). In other words, I've exceeded my record of 8 months (I'm at nine months now!). I did go to a website for no reason except to be titillated yesterday. Fortunately I stopped there and didn't go any further.

No sex last night. Slept fine. yea! I'm not even obsessing about it. I'll probably forget that fact several times throughout today.

There's a self-destructiveness connected to this addictive stuff that is very slippery. It shows up in overeating, isolating myself relationally, even my work ethic and career. I know I it would help me to get on and get motivated and get stuck in, but I feel so tired and blah and annoyed and irate that I usually don't.

If I work better, I'll feel better, my relationships at work will improve (I'll feel better), my career will improve (I'll feel better) and I'll feel better! So when will I do it? God, please help lift me out of this pit. Please help me find hand-holds to climb out.