Grrrrrr!

Lots of exclamation marks lately. I'm fed up. I'm fed up of saying, "Shall we go to sleep?" and feeling absolutely appauled and incredulous that she so flippantly says, "okay".

I'm fed up that I've not yet forgiven and moved on. I can't forget how many days running it's been since she's wanted me (Even if she's compromised and gone through the motions anyway).

I'm fed up that I can walk home and be thoughtful and think of her (fix a flat on her bike) but satisfying me sexually isn't something she can slot into her busy schedule. I feel like a 10 year old, "stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!". I feel like she'd rather do anything except make love to me. Grrrrr! I know I'm the one who's wrong. Just like I was wrong a few months ago wishing she'd "do me" a quickie at an innapropriate time or inconvenient place. Give me a few more months and I'll be seeing her at lunchtime and not really minding. F***! F***! F***ing! F***!!!!

I was on my way to buy a snickers and somehow I changed my mind and came here and wrote this instead. Somehow this is better. Creative and cathartic, not heaping guilt or more shame.