...of the lie. little by little.. eventually....
Weird how I can want to hold on to my anger more than let go and enjoy real "proper" intimacy. Last night I was still cross about her not wanting to make love (for two nights running!). This was another day, but rather than moving on I felt it necessary to let her know that I'm not quite happy. How childish! I'm not supposed to dictate how she feels and acts towards me. I have no right to manipulate her into behaving the way I wanter her to!
For me, porn has given me an appetite for sexual stuff without the emotional work. Sometimes, especially when I'm angry, I just want to feel good without having to be real or get close. It's strange cause that's really what I want most: proper intimacy. But I kid myself thinking that I just want the orgasm and prefer the cheap version of sex.
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