the pain, the pain

What's so gutting about "No"?

It's easier to forget about how long it's been since last time, especially after a week out of the country.

But even if I'm the one who says, "Let's just go to sleep", something inside me cries out in pain when she replies "okay".

I hear "No"
I hear "I don't want you"

When this happened the other night, I fell asleep saying "let go, let go, let go" but woke feeling angry and with my head spinning of all kinds of crap. I'd really like to let go completely, but just don't know how.

I know she loves me and wants me, so why does it hurt so much when she says no to sex?