Somehow we made a deal. She's been bugging me for years to stop biting my fingernails. I've been telling her how great it would be to join the mile-high club.
She did it. She made the offer. If I can let my fingernails grow (which hasn't happened since I was a kid--25 years!) then she'll do it.
Hurayyy! I bought some of that stuff that you put on your nails that tastes horrible. I tried once and failed, but now that we're closer to our flight (and I'm making headway on other issues of discipline).. I'm doing it!
When she realized this, she started asking questions, expressing concern. What if we get caught? How do we both sneak into the toilet at the same time? What about the kids.
This has been one of those fantasies that I was holding onto. The "logic" is that if she wants to do it at an anusual place, at an odd time, then that must mean she REALLY WANTS Me. Fine, but I can't manipulate the situation to feel wanted by positioning my fantasy to happen! I want to feel loved, but it ain't gonna happen in that specific way that I want it. If I manipulate or push it, then it isn't freely chosen--and it doesn't end up being the fantasy.
So I was sitting in church and the idea came to me, "I'm gonna release her from this agreement". I felt good immediately. I knew this was the right thing to do. The fantasy wouldn't have worked out anyway, it'd have been a dissapointment.
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