New Year Stuff

Prayers:

Please reduce the connection between visual stimulus and sexual expectation.  Please help me bounce eyes from rears in skirts and boobs in blouses, but also I need to be able to have eyes opened walking down the street without the ache and the numb painful hunger to start a ticking timer of expectation and perceived need of relief.

Please break this lie that I need an orgasm.  I reject it and choose to believe that those needs aren't like water or food or shelter.  They're more like affection and encouragement--a higher tier need, not a basic human requirement for life.

Please break the lie that she doesn't want me which arises like a childish sulk.  "If she doesn't want me right now, then that means she really doesn't want me at all.  If I can't have what I want than I don't want anything.  If you don 't do what I want, then I don't like you anymore.  If I can't have control of the toy, then no one can play with it."

Goals:

100 times say to self, "you don't need sex, you can be at peace without an orgasm"

Rooted lie:  You can't live without sex, you can't cope with emotions without the release valve of an orgasm.

50 times say to self, "she does love you, she does want you, regardless of whether she wants sex right now.   Remember the last time she was really turned on--see it positively, not negatively.

Rooted lie:  She doesn't want you now, so she doesn't want you at all.  The porn fantasy is gagging for it 100% of the time and so if she doesn't want it right now then she doesn't desire you at all.


15 times let go of anger when not having sex that I expected at that opportunity.

12 times to say, "let's go to sleep, goodnight" without sex.

10 times to turn over and go to sleep without sex, without going downstairs (for food, sleepless night etc.)

5 times when making love, if orgasm doesn't happen, to let it go.

3 times to have an opportunity for sex with her, but not suggest it.