Recovery

For the last month or so I've found a new world.  It's not really new, the 12 step fellowships have been around forever and I've know about them.  I have relatives who are deeply involved and I know it helps them.



But something happened, a moment of clarity, and I realised 'the drugs aren't working anymore'.  I enjoy our sexual relationship, then the inevitable challenges of life mean I don't get sex, which collides with me being angry/tired/sad/bored.  I loose myself in some porn and masturbate.  But, it doesn't work it just makes it worse!  The treatment is worse than the illness.  I am more angry and more distant and more desperate (and full of guilt) after maturbating than before.

So, I saw this pattern.  I saw that I need something else.  So I started the Steps.  And although I haven't even found a sponsor yet, there's something new that's happening that I've not experienced ever before.  I had some clarity before, but I have a new hope and fairly consistently helpful moments of perspective that are outside me trapped selfish tunnel-vision.

Check out SAA, (Sex Addicts Anonymous) it's made up of a bunch of folks who are there because the found it helpful.  Very powerful to be able to be helped by those who have experienced the same brokenness.  Talk about finding someone who understands!  The fellowship creates a culture where everyone focuses on the program, which means mutual support and unconditional acceptance, practice with boundaries and individual responsibilities, dependence on God, volunteer help offered (a chance to be helped by others with similar experiences), volunteer help requested (a chance to help others with similar struggles), face to face fellowship with hope for you and the power of storytelling.