Ah Ha Moment

The idea isn't the revelation.  Maybe the idea combined with a spiritual or emotional "kick".  I was troubled by my pain and demons, wishing I could have what I shouldn't, when I suddenly found this thought land in my head as if I looked down to see a surprise present had landed in my lap:

"I can be thankful for what I have instead of being heartbroken about what I want and can't have.

I was mulling over how much I miss visual sensual stimulus and thinking there's no way to get what I'm used, to what I crave, the amount I desire.  This is 'cause I've raised my appetite and expectations hugely through a few decades of porn.

It's good to work on the discipline of "bouncing your eyes" (see book Every Man's Battle) but it's equally important to  adjust your expectations and let die your desire which will never be met.  Taking up your Cross is painful, putting it to death the old self means tears and sleeplessness.  But a free life is worth it.  I am still behind many clouds, but I'm not fighting this for nothing.