Me me me

I want to ask less. I want to NOT be the one wanting it and expecting it and prioritising it. She's not going to want it more, so I need to want it less.

I want to not ask for it and see her interest arising. I can't control or engineer her wanting it. I am not sure I can manage letting go. I find myself pulling back, turning away, disengaging, withdrawing. Feeling angry & annoyed at her, resenting her and it comes out in what I say and how I am with her.

For this to happen I have to believe I can go a few days without it. If I make a big deal about it and talk to her about it all then I'm relying on her and it's not the same. How can I be honest & talk about this up-front without drawing attention to how big a struggle it is for me and how I want her to behave.

I need to be normal and not miserable, not sulking, not in a cloud.

I don't know if I can do it.

I am living and behaving as if I need it. How do I change what I believe?
If I live my life like something is true, then whatever I read and say, it's not really what I believe. I will not die without it.
I keep forgetting this.

How do I renew my mind? I know the verses.