Different Blues

Usually I write here when I'm angry because she didn't want to give me sex.

This time I'm in a mood because I've decided to not have sex.  My same buttons are pushed:

I've not had an orgasm
it looks like she doesn't 'want' me, or at least she doesn't want me right now, which means not always!

I have been reminded by my Bride herself (and Mr. Gungor) how I should "woo" her, let her know she's desired, romance her.  With porn we fantasize about he being 'ready' with no preparation, no work, no effort.  Of course that's not real life. 

Once recently I was in a mood and she fought against all the instincts to steer clear of me.  Instead she invited me upstairs---to bed!  We talked and I felt the mood lifting just because she was willing.  I found myself (impusively) saying, let's do this later, when I saw that people were just outside our window and she wouldn't be able to enjoy it really.  That was good that she saw that I can get out of my funk without actually getting an orgasm.  For me I think it was that I knew I could.  I had the power and wasn't in the dark of that it could happen.  That means the orgasm isn't the only way to get relief.  Knowing I could have an orgasm worked--so much that I said, 'no thank you' to the all important orgasm!

Back to now.  I've said let's go to sleep and not make love, for thre nights in a row.  But I feel in a funk today like I always do when she says no.  Last night I knew that I was tired, that we were unlikely to connect emotionally, and I imagined her just going through the motions and giving to me but not enjoying it herself.  That didn't seem appealing.  I'm now hornier than ever but must get out of this funk so we stand a chance for it to be right or at least not bad.  I feel like my equilibrium has been lost and I'll be able to be myself after the orgasm.  But the chicken and egg thing is that she needs me to be myself so we can enjoy good lovemaking.