So, I've slipped again. Maybe it's the normal but difficult changes in our family dynamics (the effect on her, the effect on me, the effect on us). Maybe it's something else.
Each time I slip, I find it harder than it's been in a long time to not slip again the next few weeks. Is that a good enough reason to stay away? No. I miss the beautiful young firm sexy female shapes of porn. I struggle bouncing my eyes away from them at work, I am disappointed in how time is taking a toll with Her body (though mine isn't great either).
The other night, when she'd turned me away without sex, I was struggling and feeling angry and couldn't relax to get to sleep. I said to myself, "I'm tired of being ruled by this". I thought I wanted to be able to be happy with or without sex.
Was that an important moment? I hope so.
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