Angry and unable to relate normally

Oh one hand I know that she doesn't always want to.  I know it takes her time and that she wants to spend our time together doing other things too.  But I can't get away from my hope and thoughts that she will this time.  I watched the clock go from 9:30 to 9:45 to 10:00 (now looking bad) to 10:15 (forget it--but there's always hope!).  I can think of the right perspective of us being in sync and me woo'ing her and being giving.  But what's dominating my thoughts is whether I'll get anything and how her not wanting to this time and all the other times plays into the hand of the thought that she never wants me. 

So I decide to try to talk normally to her.  No point in being affectionate as on one hand I don't think it's very giving to try to be intimate with so little time, and on the other hand I'm not in a place to communicate freely and openly and easily.  I'm battling between selfishness and everything else.

So she is completely aware that I'm not at ease.  She knows I want "it" but knows it's not the right spirit/feel/reasons.  Finally, at about 10:40 we start talking about all this.  

My expectations and hopes are for MORE more more more.  But I know that's wrong so I resist.